The First Sin

12 mins

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been six months since my last confession.”

In hindsight, I may have gone into too much detail.

I started with when the whole situation began. I lived with my parents for four years after I graduated from college. I got a job, which I can’t say all my friends who moved back home did, and it was only twenty minutes from my parents’ home. It was great saving money on rent and groceries, although I wish I didn’t spend it all on retro video games. My parents—my mother in particular—were happy to have her baby boy back home after thinking those days were gone for good.

My family has always been close. Reflecting on what I told the priest, maybe too close. Everyone in the family is exceptionally physical—hugs, kisses, pats on the back, casual touches. We all spent a lot of time together too, neither my sister nor me having the awkward teenage years where we locked ourselves in our rooms with a bad attitude.

To my mother’s disappointment, I applied for a new job in the city and got it. The daily commute would be too much from home, but that’s okay because Amanda, my sister, worked and lived in the city already. She left for college in the city and never came back, getting a job at an advertising agency doing graphic design.

Amanda let me sleep on her couch, at first. I was—and still am—grateful for her having me. Three years older, she taught me everything I know about what seems like anything. My taste in music, how to talk to girls, my sense of humor. Amanda’s my only sibling, and I was always hanging out with her and her friends growing up. They’d dress me up and tease me, but I didn’t mind it one bit.

I can’t imagine finding an apartment while starting a new job when moving to the city. It was hard enough figuring out which subway line went where and how to find anything, let alone learning the ropes of my new job. I’m actually not sure how to find an apartment on my own—I’ll have to ask Amanda for some help tomorrow. I think it’s time I moved out.

Everything started off great. The couch was plenty comfortable. The people I worked with were kind and caring individuals, the whole team went out for drinks after work pretty regularly. Even though I was overwhelmed by everything at first, I caught on quick and found myself in a healthy routine with an enjoyable work-life balance.

But that one night, something happened that threw everything off balance. And that’s what I needed to tell the priest.

It was a Tuesday night after work. Amanda and I were each drinking a glass of wine on my bed—her couch.

“I’ve noticed something… Why don’t you ever have guys over? Don’t you have a boyfriend or hook-ups or something?” I asked.

“I just haven’t met any that are as good as you,” she said, winking.

My face got warm. Was it the wine? Or was it the look in my sister’s eyes?

“How come you haven’t had any ladies over? The couch seems plenty big enough for two.” We both laughed.

“There is a co-worker that I think is pretty cute,” I said.

She leaned forward. “Oh, yeah? Tell me about her.”

I told Amanda about how funny my co-worker is, she’s hilarious. She could be a stand-up comedian. I mean it. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard sometimes.

“Show me a photo of her,” Amanda said. Her arms were crossed, and the smile left her face.

I pulled up my co-worker’s Instagram profile. Amanda got closer to look at the photos, leaning up against me.

“She looks just like me, are you serious? What a compliment. I knew you always loved your Big Sis, how cute.” Amanda took a drink of her wine. “Why don’t you have her over? You can cook her dinner, I’ll go out for the night and stay at a friend’s. You two can make sweet, passionate love in my bed.”

I locked my phone and looked away, grasping for my wine glass. I took a big sip, and it went down the wrong pipe. I choked and coughed. Amanda started rubbing my back, trying to help.

“I don’t even know if she likes me. I just think she’s cute. Anyways… I’m saving myself for marriage. True love waits.”

“Wait. No. Don’t tell me. Are you serious? You’re a virgin, still?”

“I’m just following the teachings of the Good Book, don’t give me that. But I know all about your sexual adventures, your high school friends told me all about them while you were asleep.”

I thought about those stories all the time, I’m not going to lie. There’s no point in lying. That’s the whole point of confessional, isn’t it?

Amanda whispered in my ear, “What stories?”

“They told me about how you and Aden had sex in the pool. And then Noah and the cucumber. I think I know it all.”

“Those bitches! Those aren’t good stories to tell my little brother. Did you think about those stories at night, you horny little dog?”

At that point, her arm was around me. She started to nibble on my ear lobe.

“‘True love waits’ is ridiculous,” she said. “You’re missing out on one of life’s true pleasures, and it only gets better with time, just like this wine we’re drinking.” Amanda swirled her glass around and took a sip.

My penis was rock-hard. And, yes, I told the priest that. I told him all of this. Like I said, maybe I should have skipped over some of the details.

“Let me teach you,” she said. “Let me show you how fun it is. If you don’t enjoy it, we can just say it didn’t count, okay? When have I ever led you wrong, little brother?”

She was always looking out for me.

The wine and the lust joined forces and overtook my better conscience.

“Y-you’ve got a point,” I said. “There’s no harm in trying it, just once. It’s like you said about mushrooms, try it at least once and see if you like it.”

Her hands were all over my body. “It’s just like that.” She kissed my neck, leaving a hickey for two days. I had to wear a turtleneck to cover it up.

“Tell me about what you have done. Don’t leave anything out,” she said.

The list wasn’t long. A college ex and I did hand stuff a few times, and that was about it.

“You poor thing, do you even know how sex works?”

“I’m not some alien that just landed on the planet. We learned in school. And I’ve seen videos!”

“The videos do not do it justice. They’re just the appetizer to hold you over for the main course. Let me show you.”

She reached down and slipped into my pants, her hand warm. I could hear my heart pounding. It was hard to breathe.

I heard rustling from the opposite booth in the confessional and then a loud bang. “Ouch!”

“Father, are you okay?”

“Yes, yes. I just banged my head on the wall. Continue, please.” The rustling in his booth resumed as I returned to my confession.

I pulled her hand out from my pants. “Wait, sis. What I want to learn, really, is how to make women feel good. I’m sure intercourse will be incredible, but how do I make a woman orgasm?”

“Young Padawan, help with that too, I can.”

Amanda unbuttoned her faded denim jeans, dropping them on the floor. Her panties had little sunflowers on them. Those were gone soon after.

“Get down on your knees.” She was already running her fingers between her lips, her legs spread wide open on the couch. I kneeled on my haunches between them.

“When you did, as you so beautifully put it, ‘hand stuff’ with your girl, did you have any clue what you were doing?”

“I mean… I don’t know. I stuck my finger in for a little bit. She said it felt good. She was moaning loudly. But we only did it twice.”

“You innocent thing. You’re like a sweet baby deer. She was probably faking it.”

Spreading her lips with her fingers, she told me all about how to build up slowly by running my finger along the outside of the vulva and then between the lips. Then work the clit for a bit. I got a front-row lesson. “You just have to try it for yourself to really understand it.”

Amanda guided my hand and pressed my fingers against her vulva. She pressed my middle finger against her clit, moving it with a gentle circular motion, like operating one of those laptops with the little red nubbin in the center of the keyboard for moving the cursor.

Then she slid my finger inside of her. “Start nice and slow. Apply pressure with your fingertip.” She clenched her thighs. “That’s the G-spot, nice job! If you can find it, it feels amazing for some women.”

The hand lesson over, she put her hand behind my head and pushed me into her. “Use your tongue, yup, just like that.” My face was drenched. Her thighs were soft. I couldn’t stop rubbing them. I’d never felt that part of her before.

“A little faster. Move your whole head a bit. Apply a little more pressure with your tongue too.” She moaned a bit—more genuine than my college girlfriend. “That’s it, that’s it.”

I lapped like a dog drinking water out of a bowl after a long walk.

“If you don’t stop, you’re going to make me come. I’m so impressed. You’ve always been such a fast learner.”

I applied more pressure, eating her out like it was the only thing I knew how to do.

Her butt raised up off the couch. “Ahhhhh, yes!” I slowed down while her whole body shook.

“Did you orgasm?” I asked.

“I sure did. Nice tongue work there, you little pro. I’d give you an A-plus on that homework. Now get on up here.”

I crawled up on the couch. Amanda, she’s incredible, she got the pants off faster than I could have.

Both free of our pants but still wearing our sweaters from the workday, she straddled me like a cowboy getting ready to find the man who killed his best gal, guided me inside of her. “Holy shit,” I said.

“Right?”

“This, this is amazing.” It was warm and moist. A perfect fit. Better than my hand, that’s for sure.

“When the woman’s on top, you don’t need to do much of anything except go with the flow. Don’t try to be a hero with that little buddy of yours. Otherwise, it won’t feel good for her while she’s trying to do her thing. The person on top, they’re usually in control. It’s all about being on the same wavelength, understand?”

“I think so…”

She started shifting her hips back and forth. I swear, my whole body was melting away. I became one with the couch and my sister, unable to move.

Amanda grabbed my shoulders and started bouncing up and down faster. “You’re doing great, really great. It feels so good. How’s it for you?”

“Unreal,” I said. “But—maybe, maybe too good? I’m going to come, like real soon.”

“Good, good! That’s what I want.”

I came inside of my sister, her riding me with her hands interlocked behind my head.

I heard the priest let out a stifled moan. He cleared his throat. “Was that—excuse me—your only sin?” the priest asked.

“No, Father, and that’s why I’m here. That was only the start. I’ve had sex with my sister at least once a day since. We can’t stop. It’s why I need to get my own place soon, so I can get my life back to some sort of normalcy. I knew I should have waited for marriage. My sister’s appetite, it’s insatiable.”

“Sweet Mary, mother of God.”